I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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