Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
