I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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