you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
