He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
