I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
