She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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