i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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