in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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