I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
