If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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