Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
