I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
