it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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