Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
