at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
