WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We have started to decorate penises.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
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I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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