I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
