if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
