the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
