Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We're too hungover to prance.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
