I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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