You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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