I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
