I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
