she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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