just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
