I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
