my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize