i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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