I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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