Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
