I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
