I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
