wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
