My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
