When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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