My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Less talking, more tequila
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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