just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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