shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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