I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
