and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
