fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
