it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
