sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
