i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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