so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
