I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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