I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
