I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
