At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
