I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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