I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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