I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
