ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
