I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Randomize
