You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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