Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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