Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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