careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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