Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
