So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
