Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
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You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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