Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
