So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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