I only kidnapped one of them. chill
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
