the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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