he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she peed on how many people?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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