So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
