last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
