i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
