break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
