evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
