I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
