sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
