I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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