dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
