"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
