we're blogging at a bar
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
