you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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