my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
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Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
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Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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