Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
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FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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