just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
