Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
